Expect the best from our children, but expect within reasonable limits

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Setting Reasonable Expectations Of Your Teenager

If you are like most parents with rebellious teenage children, you might have felt helpless at one time or another, wondering what you should do when they disobey or ignore your instructions. If so, then have you ever thought about what exactly your expectations of them are and how they should respond to you?

It is important to know our expectations clearly. Think about it. If we do not know exactly what we want, how are we to find out how to get there?

Having right expectations of our teenage children can ease tensions and make parenting teenage children less stressful. The teenagers will also feel we understand them and so grow closer to us.

Let's take a few moments to think of the positive outcomes and responses you would like to see from your child. If we are realistic about the results, we will be able to do something about it and get the results that we want.

To help get you started, let us look at the following scenarios.

Example 1: Your teenage child seems to be always uninterested when you ask him to pack his room. He may even be rude in his answers when you ask him. When he finally succumbs to your nagging, he "packs" his stuff by simply rearranging them from their original positions.

Unrealistic expectation: For him to response to your request immediately and happily go about packing his room.

Initial realistic results: For him to express that he does not like packing up the room and agree only reluctantly. He may ask for a specific time later to do the packing.

Final realistic results: For him to answer you immediately when you call his name. He keeps his room reasonably tidy most of the time without the need to remind him. We only need give a gentle reminder if he forgets.

Example 2: Your teenage child likes to stay up late and refuses to go to bed even when you asked her repeatedly. She stays up late, talking with her friend on the phone until past midnight. She has trouble waking up in time for school and even though she knows she is late, she does not show any concern for that.

Unrealistic expectation: For her to say good night to her friend and hang up the phone immediately when you ask and happily go wash up for bed.

Initial realistic results: For her to express her reluctance to stop her phone conversation. She may ask for a few minutes allowance before she hangs up the phone.

Final realistic results: For her to arrange phone calls to an earlier time of the evening and keep to a reasonable duration and frequency. We only need give a gentle reminder if she forgets.

Many parents feel that children must obey and response immediately to their instructions. While I agree that children should obey their parents and what they teach, I also feel that parents need to understand their children's needs and limitations. Teenage children especially, need their own time and space as much as the guidance from their parents.

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Final realistic results: For her to arrange phone calls to an earlier time of the evening and keep to a reasonable duration and frequency. We only need give a gentle reminder if she forgets.

Many parents feel that children must obey and response immediately to their instructions. While I agree that children should obey their parents and what they teach, I also feel that parents need to understand their children's needs and limitations. Teenage children especially, need their own time and space as much as the guidance from their parents.