Understanding the causes of children misbehaviour is halfway to solving it. Appropriate action is the other half.

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Children's Behavioural Problems Identified

Chances are, if you have ever faced children who are difficult to handle, you may have felt discouraged at one point or another. The good news is, most child behavioural problems can be solved, or at least brought under control.

So just what are the reasons why children misbehave and how do we solve them ? Let us take a look ...

Meeting expectations ~ Children may misbehave if they feel they are unable to meet our expectation. They may also misbehave if they are uncertain about what we expect of them. Through our daily communications with our children, we need to set the boundaries clearly and let them know how we expect them to act or behave. Make sure that our expectation is appropriate to their age group. When the children know clearly what is expected of them, they have a better chance to behave accordingly. It may come as a surprise, but many parents actually expect either too much or too little from their kids. This becomes a problem when the way the child behave and the parent's expectation do not match causing undue stress on both the child and the parents. Remember that the rules or expectations need to be review as the child grows through different stage in childhood.

Your attention please ~ Some young children may make a big fuzz when they misbehave just to get your attention. If this is what is happening, it will be best for you to ignore them and only restore your attention to them when they are back to their good behaviour. Although this may not be possible all the time and may be easier said than done, especially at that moment when the child is demanding your attention --- Important, stay calm and stay in control. If ignoring is not possible, gently offer a diversion to something more beneficial, something that can capture the child's attention. Point out the benefits for the change of his attention and that you will appreciate his good behaviour. Assure him that you will attend to him again as soon as you are can. Explain firmly the consequences if he continues to misbehave and then gently offer the diversion again. If that does not help, you need to follow through and apply the appropriate consequence you had explained. You may have to repeat the same cycle again the next few times the child misbehaves for the same reason. However, he will soon learn to control his demanding attitude and be more willing to negotiate and wait for the appropriate time when you can render him the attention he seeks. One important thing to remember is to keep your word and spend some quality attention on the child once you are available again.

Physical balance ~ Tiredness, hunger or illness can also cause children to misbehave. To overcome this problem, basically we need to make sure the child is feeling well. Well rested, well fed and healthy. If the child is feeling ill, a parent or adult caregiver should stay home and watch over him. Enforce a healthy lights out timing each night so the child gets enough sleep. Let the child take naps during the day if needed. Schedule regular meal times and ensure the child eats a proper portion of balanced food each meal. Control any extra snacks that the child may consume especially snacks with high sugar content. Some children may also misbehave if they are feeling too energetic. Consuming high energy food like snacks, candy or chocolate with high sugar content can cause children to become hyperactive in their behaviour. Especially if the children are in a group, children can get out of hand and become hard to control. If this should happen, plan and allow some activities for the children, activities that are full of movement. This will allow them to dispense off their excess energy and help to calm them down.

The living mirror ~ Many of the things that children learn, they learn through observation of what other people do, especially from people like us as parents or care givers. There may be times when children consciously or subconsciously imitate us in our actions or speech. This may not be immediately obvious to us as they don't normally mirror us in a literal sense but bad actions resulting from, for example ... sloppiness, fits of rage or swearing etc, gets picked up by the young ones quickly. When we see them doing the "same things" we do, we may not immediately realize the real source of the problem and say that the child has misbehaved. Understanding this, we need to examine ourselves to see if there are any areas in our lives where we might have been bad examples for our young ones. If you find that this is the reason for the child's bad behaviours, you will need to change your behaviour. Only by your positive change will you be able to influence the child back onto the correct track. You may try to be honest with the child and point out your own bad actions. That can also help, especially if you follow up by showing that you have corrected your ways.

Count me out please ~ Children, especially the very young ones, may misbehave if they are frightened, in fear or feel threatened. For example, a child who has been asked to join his classmates to go up on stage to perform may get frightened and starts to behave badly. If we do not understand this, we may think the child is misbehaving ridiculously without reason since the other children have no problem taking part in the performance. But let us understand that every child is unique and in this case, something about the action required of him may have frightened him. What you can do is to bring the child aside and talk to him calmly. Ask him why he does not wish to take part. Try to find out the root cause of his fear and then reassure him accordingly. It is important that we do not minimize their feelings or say that their emotions do not matter. Remember, those feeling and emotions are very real to him. Instead, guide and help him handle his emotions. Help him to focus on the benefits for action, and in this way, his fears will dim to a less threatening level. With each successful action to overcome his fears, the child's confidence will also increase.

Are you real ? ~ In the earlier example above, we mentioned that we need to make clear to the child the consequences of his misbehaviour. In other words, we have set the rules. Unfortunately, not every child will go for what we have laid out before him. Some may be tempted to "test the water", to see if you really mean business. Should this happen, you will need to remain firm in holding the boundaries you had set. A rule is a rule. Once the child has been made aware of it, if he chooses to be defiant, you will have to follow through and respond accordingly to make sure he follows those rules. At this point in time, some parents may actually back down and fail to apply the set consequences. This may be because they had earlier set the stake of the rules too high and now feel that it might be too harsh. This is why we need to set an appropriate level for consequences of the rules so that should we come to the stage when we have to apply it, we will not hesitate.

Not good enough ~ If a child is of low self esteem and feels unworthy, he or she may behave badly. The outward actions are triggered by the way the child is feeling inside. Paying close attention to what the child says can help to reveal the reason for misbehaviour if it is caused by low self esteem. To help the child overcome this problem, we need to continuously encourage the child. Be sincere and compliment the child each time you find the smallest good behaviour from him. Through our actions, we need to let the child know that we recognize he is capable.

Growing up ~ At a certain stage in childhood as the child is growing up, he or she may become rebellious to our instructions. This kind of misbehaviour troubles many parents because their children who had been so obedient before, can seems to be so hard to handle suddenly. Many parents complain that the change seems to happen almost overnight. When this kind of misbehaviour starts, it is important that you need to remain calm, friendly and in control. Understanding the reason behind this "phenomenon" helps. Bear in mind that this kind of misbehaviour is not unique to your child. You are not alone. The good news is, most children will get over this phase after it has run its course if we do not exasperate the child. At this stage in the child's life, he or she is simply seeking to grow out of their dependency on you. They are striving and struggling to find their own identity. Hopefully, we as parents can think back and still recall the days when we went through this same phase in life ourselves and what we can do is simply be more understanding towards the child. Allow the child more room to grow. Instead of giving strict instructions to do things only in a particular way, allow him more choices. Invite instead of

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insist whenever possible. Seek opinion from the child instead of simply imposing yours. Spend more time to listen to the child than before. If the child decide on a choice, as long as that choice does not cause any harm to his physical or moral being, allow him the opportunity to explore and find out for himself if that is good for him. Through your actions, just let the child know that you are there for him if he needs any advice. Show understanding and always remain calm and in control.

Be your child's best friend, one that he can confide in.