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29th August 2007

Within Reasonable Expectations

In my earlier post, we brought up the point about our expectations of our teenage children. It is important to know clearly our expectations. If we do not know exactly what we want, it will be difficult for us to know what to do to get there. Worse, if we do not know exactly what we want, even when we have arrived, we may not even know we have.

Having set our expectations and our understanding in the correct direction, do take a few moments to think about the positive outcome and responses you would like to see from your child. This is very important. If you are realistic about the results, it is most likely you will be able to do something about it in order to get the results you visualize.

To help get you started on this exercise, let us have a look at the following examples.

Example Problem 1: For a child who seems to be always uninterested when you ask him to pack his room. He may even be rude in his answers when you ask him. When he finally succumbs to your nagging, he “packs” his stuff by simply rearranging them from their original positions.

Unrealistic expectation: For him to response to your request immediately when you ask and happily go about packing his room.

Initial realistic results: For him to express he does not like packing up the room, for him to agree reluctantly, for him to ask for a specific time later to do the packing.

Final realistic results: For him to answer you immediately when you call his name, for him to keep his room reasonably tidy most of the time without the need to remind him. For us to only need give a gentle reminder if he forgets.

Example Problem 2: For a child who likes to stay up late and refuses to go to bed even when you had asked her repeatedly. She stays up late, talking with her friend on the phone until past midnight. She has problem waking up in time for school and even though she knows she is late, she does not show any concern for that.

Unrealistic expectation: For her to say good night to her friend and hang up the phone immediately when you ask and happily go wash up for bed.

Initial realistic results: For her to express her reluctance in stopping her phone conversation with her friend. For her to ask for a few minutes allowance before she hangs up the phone.

Final realistic results: For her to arrange phone calls to an earlier time of the evening and keep to a reasonable duration and frequency. For us to only need give a gentle reminder if she forgets.

Many parents have a notion that a child needs to obey their parents and response immediately when they are asked to do something. While I agree that, a child should obey their parents in whatever the parents teaches them, I also feel that parents need to understand their children’s needs and limitations. A child needs his or her own time and space as much as the guidance from their parents.

We will touch on understanding a child’s needs and limitations in the coming posts ….

God Bless

~Ricky~






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27th August 2007
31st August 2007