photo Free Download"Running out of ideas on ways & things you can do to build the bonding between you and your kids ? Download this free report which gives you one hundred and one creative suggestions on ways to show your kids you love them." Click Here!

...................................................




To Sign Up For Our Free Newsletters, Just Key In Your Name & Email Address


We hate SPAM as much as you do. Therefore, we assure you that your email address and information will NOT be shared or sold to anyone.

You can Unsubscribe at any time.

We also have a whole line of wonderful FREE Goodies to be given out.

Sign up now and enjoy receiving these pleasant surprises that we will be sending to you.

First Name:

Last Name:

E-Mail:       

                 

Kindly use only real email address.



* Click on the link to set EffectiveParenting101 as your home page.
Click Yes or OK at the popup box to confirm.

  Set Effective Parenting 101 as your Home Page



22nd October 2007

Sibling Rivalry – Not everyone is equal

It is not uncommon to hear children complain about the way they are being punished when they feel that their sibling has gotten away clean with mischief. We may often also hear comparisons between how one is being treated differently to another.

Things like, “How come he does not have to cleanup first?” or “That’s not fair, why is it that she always gets to watch the TV first ?”

Such kind of comparisons can create distance in relationship between siblings and should be discouraged. If left unchecked, it can lead to unhealthy competition between siblings and the overall family cohesiveness can be weakened.

Let us take a moment to consider this. Whenever one of our children says something like that, what is he actually saying? Is it not that he is expecting to be treated equally as his brother or sister? In addition, how do we normally react or feel? Do we try to make all things equal for them?

Many parents I have met like to treat their children equally. When they buy a toy for one, they usually feel that they need to get another for the other. While we understand that children need to learn to share, many also feel that each should be provided the same amount as the other. Unconsciously, we are signaling a message that says “You are both my children and I love you both and will treat you both equally”.

I can agree with loving both equally but that does not equate treating both the same. To do this is to encourage them to compare when they sense something different in the treatment between parents and siblings. We need to learn loving both equally while also recognizing and nurturing them differently.

The world is not an “equal” place. Each child is unique.

If we continue to give the impression that they are equal, how can we blame them for pointing out the differences when they see them.

You may ask, “But it just seems such a natural thing that children do. How do we prevent this from happening?”

Each child should be given different privilege & responsibility according to his age, sex, abilities, obedience, character or personality. Treat each child as an individual.

Whenever possible, avoid group punishment for mischief or wrong doings. If they were all involved in doing something wrong and need to be reprimanded, call each child by name and then tell him his mistake and what is expected of him. Each child should then be assigned different task to correct the mistake.

Avoid grouping the children and saying things like, “You are all so noisy” or “For the mess you have all made, I want all of you to be in bed by eight o’clock.”

The same goes when they exhibit great teamwork and have done something good. Praise each child differently, calling each by name and then tell him why you are so proud of him.

What if one of the children did a great job and the others were obviously not involve in that particular instance? It would be a great opportunity for the other to learn to show support and encouragement at a time like that.

You may consider saying something like, “I think Jimmy did a wonderful job in helping to wipe the table after dinner tonight. I am so glad he is such a great help, just like when you helped me with the dishes yesterday Cindy. I think you are a great help when it comes to doing dishes and Jimmy is great in cleaning the table.”

It may seems like children like to be treated equally, comparing to each other. In actual fact, they just want to feel special. By recognizing each child for his uniqueness, acknowledging his individuality in his areas of strength and gifting, you will soon find the comparison and competitiveness among the siblings reduced as there will be no need for them.

~Ricky L~






* Click on the link to set EffectiveParenting101 as your home page.
Click Yes or OK at the popup box to confirm.

    Set Effective Parenting 101 as your Home Page






18th October 2007
29th October 2007