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10th September 2007

Helping your children use their Anger (Part 2)

Yesterday, we brought up two ways to help your child manage his anger. By being a good role model for him to follow, to show him other options of expressing his anger in an appropriate manner.

Today, let us continue with the next key points, which will help further encourage and strengthen his control while at the same time, allowing you more control of the situation.

3. Remove yourself from a power struggle
When children have tantrums, you can acknowledge their anger, do not try to overpower your child; withdraw instead. This action says to the child,”I am not intimidated by your show of temper and will not give in, but I won’t punish or humiliate you either.” The result is that children who get neither a fight nor their own way after throwing tantrums will usually find more acceptable ways to influence people.

4. Allow your child to influence your decisions
The method your child uses to influence your decisions will be influenced by what you allow to work. If you “give in” to tantrums, whining or yelling, the child will learn to use these tactics again. If you redirect your child to express his anger respectfully, listen to his arguments, and sometimes change your decisions, then your child learns the important skill of negotiation.

5. Assure your child that he is loved
Anger can and should be expressed in a positive way. Anger damages relationship when it is expressed in a way that suggests love will be withheld until our “demands” are satisfied. Do take time to talk with your child and let him know that he is loved despite the wrong he did.

Take a close look at your daily interactions with your children. Make sure that the primary message to them is “I love you, I trust you”. Children who are confident that they are loved and trusted by the important adults in their lives, will respond overall in a much more pleasant way.

Do not be afraid to seek help.
If nothing you have tried makes a difference and your child's aggression has constantly interferes school or relationship and results in physical attacks on children or adults, consult a child psychologist or psychiatrist. Sometimes an undiagnosed learning disability or behavioral disorder is behind the frustration and anger; sometimes the problem is related to family or emotional difficulties. Treatment may include behavioral therapy, a specialized instructional approach at school, family counseling, or medication.

Do not avoid getting some help for yourself — individual counseling, a support group, or even regular heart-to-hearts with close friends. Dealing with aggression in a child is unsettling and demands great patience and support. Look after yourself, and you will be a source of steady, loving guidance for your child.

~~ Gloria L~~






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9th September 2007
11th September 2007